


Clarity

by sunaddicted



Series: Alien!Q series [9]
Category: James Bond (Craig movies)
Genre: Alien Biology, Alien Q (James Bond), Alternate Universe, Comfort, Communication, Developing Relationship, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, Insecurity, Lack of Communication, Light Angst, M/M, Misunderstandings, Other, Talking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-01
Updated: 2020-07-01
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:55:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,733
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24809644
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunaddicted/pseuds/sunaddicted
Summary: “Oh, this is the kind of sight I want to come back home to”Q took a steadying breath at the other’s voice, trying to quell the somersaults of excitement and stress that his intestines were currently engaging in while his three hearts had seemingly decided to beat each to their own rhythm - as if his own mind didn’t already make things hard enough “You really should do something about this car kink of yours” Q quipped, pushing himself out from under the car “Welcome back”“Maybe I was referring to you, sexily sprawled on the ground”[...]
Relationships: James Bond/Q
Series: Alien!Q series [9]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/681743
Comments: 20
Kudos: 91
Collections: 007 Fest Fancreations





	1. Uno

**Author's Note:**

> Happy 007 Fest start! 🎉🎊

_ Uno _

Q couldn’t remember ever being nervous about James’ return home - scared and anxious whenever the man had been hurt during a mission? Sure. But never nervous: he had always been more than eager to see the agent again, no matter in what state; the other’s proximity soothed an unrest that Q didn’t even notice it was there, flourishing dark and malignant at the back of his mind, until James was back at arm’s reach - alive and impossibly warm, so beautiful that Q had to wonder whether it just wasn’t in his alien mind’s capacity to endure so much splendour radiating from one man alone.

Not for the first time since his life had drastically changed, Q wished he had known more about how his species lived love and relationships instead of being left wondering about whether he was stuck into some kind of strange limbo: an anomaly amongst his own people but far too strange to fully assimilate with the humans that had become his home. He knew from scouring the Internet and making his way through James’ library - unsurprisingly stuffed with old classics of human literature - that love was the kind of word that escaped humanity’s definition; in a society that liked to sort things into neatly labelled boxes, love was the one feeling that nobody seemed to be able to agree on a definition for.

And yet, while they quibbled about the many forms love came in, Q couldn’t help noticing the patterns and wondering about how he fit in them -  _ if _ he fit in them at all.

Q huffed and pushed himself under the body of the car he had been working on in order to distract himself from his worries - and admittedly because cars made James excited and it always was a joy to see the other man descend into childlike wonder and giddiness. He liked to make the agent happy and if he could do that while technically working… well, he wasn’t going to turn his nose up to that. Besides, beneath the belly of the car, Q could freely let his tentacles out if a sudden burst of emotion possessed him - or if he needed more than his own two hands to work.

James would easily find him - he always did. 

Maybe he was far too predictable in his habits or maybe James knew him far too well - a perspective that admittedly made him feel warm, his insides gooey as if they had melted by the love he felt for the other mann - or maybe it was just that, no matter how big and labyrinthine MI6 was, there weren’t many places the Quartermaster would haunt during his work hours.

He sighed, lazily narrowing his eyes at the machinery suspended above him, studying the various components with an expert and analytical eye in order to put some order amidst his thoughts and decide where to start from; it was kind of hard with his worries and anxieties about his relationship with James resurfacing on the regular to catch a breath of oxygen - like some kind of marine mammal.

Only that dolphins and the like weren’t as annoying as the thoughts currently hounding him - they were more like a leaky faucet, suddenly going  _ plink plink plink  _ out of the blue and refusing to stop, no matter what Q did to try and stop the leak. It truly was nerve-wracking, especially because Q knew that he couldn’t afford being nervous: James would immediately clock in on his feelings, whether his colours were showing or not, and the conversation he needed to have with the man wasn’t of the kind he wanted to have while they were at work; even if the cars workshop was relatively empty, Q knew far too well that there were plenty of invisible eyes and ears scattered around MI6 - afterall, he had devised and planned the installation of most of them.

No, he had to control himself: he was a spy afterall, wasn’t he? The kind of spy who didn’t set foot out of MI6 but still a spy; he had had to go through some of the same training that the agents did, just in case he was sent out on a mission - improbable, considering that nobody sane would send out the Quartermaster before trying with a techie or a senior of Q-Branch - or that he was hunted down and abducted, which was a far more realistic possibility. So, he had been trained to close up and lock the depths of his mind somewhere hopefully not even the most skilled of torturer would be able to gain access to - surely, keeping his anxiety at bay long enough for them to go home couldn’t be as hard as trying to resist having his mind split open, right?

Right.

Hopefully.

Q frowned darkly, another huff escaping his mouth. Why was he even so worried, anyway? It wasn’t like his doubts were anything else but the fruit of his own worry, there was no proof to prove that James didn’t actually want him - really, everything seemed to lead to the conclusion that the man just was being overly cautious ad  _ with reason too _ . Q himself had asked him to go slow in the first place, to let him grow used to his human body’s reactions to arousal and he had never talked about the topic again: he couldn’t expect James to read his mind, as Eve had pointed out.

Wouldn’t have things been so much easier if at least one of them could do that, though?

Everytime Q consumed a piece of media involving some kind of alien species, he couldn’t help feeling like he had been cheated out of amazing superpowers - of course, the bit about how the majority of the time aliens were portrayed as ugly and evil  _ hurt _ but Q tried to ignore all that and focus on the fun parts of the storytelling. 

He was getting better at it and it helped that James seemed to have the uncanny ability to notice whenever something bothered him and seamlessly offer him comfort, always meaningful without it being monumental or boastful. 

James understood him so well, Q didn’t even want to start entertaining the idea of the man not being in his life anymore - because that was what was going to happen once they talked if James admitted to the fact that he actually didn’t want Q as much as he wanted him, wasn’t it? Even if Q would try to keep the man in his life, he new James too well to delude himself with the idea that James would stay - no, he would disappear under the illusion that it would hurt Q less if he wasn’t involved in his life anymore.

The truth was that it would be hell on Earth and Q genuinely didn’t know how he would ever be able to handle that and it did anger him to realise himself so emotionally dependent on James; he often excused himself with the fact that he had attached himself to James when he had been alone and scared, constantly terrified for his life, but he had grown out of his fear of mankind and he had made… well not  _ plenty _ of friends but he had made some and very good ones at that. At some point, still being so dependent on James had been a conscious choice.

It was something that, no matter the outcome of their conversation, Q had vowed to himself to work on because James still was a Double-Oh agent - the statistics didn’t look pretty when it came to survival rates, especially after a certain age, and while Q would never be  _ not _ devastated by the other’s death, he would need to be able to handle it because he had vowed to serve and to help and he just couldn’t afford letting grief destroy him.

Even if he would never be the same after - just like he hadn’t been the same after getting lost, forever stranded on a planet where nobody else was even remotely like him beneath the veneer of humanity he held onto thanks to his ability to hide in plain sight, his human body carefully forged to keep him safe amongst strangers who had been brainwashed by their media to find him dangerous and repellent.

Sometimes, it still surprised him that some of his colleagues had been so accepting of him - so strangely fond and protective of the alien in their midst.

“Oh, this is the kind of sight I want to come back home to”

Q took a steadying breath at the other’s voice, trying to quell the somersaults of excitement and stress that his intestines were currently engaging in while his three hearts had seemingly decided to beat each to their own rhythm - as if his own mind didn’t already make things hard enough “You really should do something about this car kink of yours” Q quipped, pushing himself out from under the car “Welcome back”

“Maybe I was referring to you, sexily sprawled on the ground” James retorted, smiling down at the other - taking in the picture for a few seconds before offering Q a hand “Are you about done?”

"That depends on whether you have relinquished your equipment already or not” lacing their fingers together gave Q some stability, the physical reminder of how close they actually were more soothing than anything else - Eve had tried but she couldn’t substitute the roughness of James’ calloused digits rubbing against his. 

“Always worrying about such pesky things”

“I work hard on the pesky things you like to lose and destroy”

“I know, I know” James grasped Q’s chin and tilted his head up so that he could bestow a light kiss on his lips, not wanting to make the other uncomfortable with such a blatant display of affection while they were at work “I missed you”

“I missed you too - I always do”

“And it’s always good hearing you say it” the memories of the innumerable times when there hadn’t been someone to miss him while he was away were still fresh - he didn’t think they would ever really fade - and while James was a lonely creature by nature, it still was something to know that he was being missed “I left the equipment with a minion”

“All of it?”

“All of it”

Q studied the other’s face for a little before nodding “Fine, let’s go home”

He hoped those wouldn’t be the last words he said before the proverbial storm.


	2. Due

_Due_

James held his arms out once he settled in the tub, legs parted to welcome the other between them in what was their usual arrangement when taking baths together. He had already taken a shower, the need to wash the mission away too impellent to ignore and it just was the polite thing to do, wasn’t it? He had slept with someone else during his mission and while he had religiously cleaned up immediately after the sex, there still was something that weirdly remained attached - some kind of ghostly impression that could only be washed away in the sacred privacy of their shower.

So, the bath mostly was an excuse to cuddle - to reacquaint himself with the feeling of Q’s naked skin against his; he had always been a tactile person, for him touch communicated more than words ever could and it grounded him in ways that he couldn’t even begin to understand himself. 

Thankfully, Q seemed to be just as tactile - or at least he wasn’t bothered by his need for touch, especially when just back home from a mission.

“Uh.. do you mind if I actually sit this one out?” Q enquired, curling on the mat with his bare legs nervously tucked beneath him.

“Why? Are you sick?”

God, how he hated seeing James frown like that - and how he hated knowing he was the reason why the glow of happiness and ease had faded away, leaving only confusion and worry behind “No, I’m not sick” Q reassured, tugging on the cuff of his shirt while he fought the urge to look down and away from the other’s inquisitive eyes - he wasn’t surprised at all that even the most hardened criminals would spill their guts when subjected to that gaze “I just.. can we talk?”

James only wasn’t growing more and more confused: didn’t they already talk plenty without Q feeling the need to ask for the permission to do so? “Of course, darling” he turned to the side, arms crossed along the edge of the tub so that he could pillow his chin on them and look at the other without looming on him “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing - I mean, maybe! I don’t know” Q took a breath, squirming a little in unease: he really didn’t want to have that conversation, even if he knew they had to talk about it before he worked himself in an even deeper spiral of worry that would only end up consuming with concern what could have been good memories of their relationship “I think this is all in my head and that I have been working myself in a state over nothing but-” he tightened his lips, throat suddenly feeling too constricted to let him breathe properly “I just need to get rid of the doubt”

From the other’s words, it was evident that it was something he had been thinking about for a while but James momentarily pushed the thought away: there would be time to ask why Q had felt the need to keep whatever worried him to himself for so long, instead of confiding in him as soon as the doubts arose - for the moment, all he could do was listen since it looked like Q was having already enough of a hard time pulling the words out of his own mouth “Go on”

“Okay” definitely easier said than done: everytime he tried to open his mouth, he felt a strange tension at the back of his jaws, keeping them from opening enough that he could produce any sound that would be actually intelligible. Q glanced at James and then, at the sight of the worry in his eyes, he looked back down at his knotted fingers, knuckles bleeding out the more he tightened them into knots that felt as complicated as the one Alexander the Great hadn't been able to undo without the sharp edge of his sword. 

"Ehi" James reached out, wet thumb tracing a caress along Q's cheek "Darling, whatever it is, you can tell me. Unless you talk to me, I can't solve your problem"

"I know"

"But?" It definitely felt like there was a  _ but _ suspended there in the humid air between them, smelling of the fresh lavender-perfumed salts he had picked because they were Q's favourite. 

"I am… I am  _ scared _ " admitting that alone was terrifying. 

It was only thanks to his training that he managed to keep his cool, heart rate barely spiking up despite his worry over whatever was tormenting the other "Of what?" 

Q closed his eyes, there was something else besides worry that was making his stomach roil in a rather unpleasant way: shame - he felt ashamed about his doubts over James' feelings because the other man had never even given him a reason to worry. It was all in his head, he knew that deep down all the scenarios his mind was awash with were just a byproduct of his insecurities. 

They just felt so damn  _ real _ .

"Do you find me.. uh, attractive?"

James' eyebrow arched as splotches of colour started sprouting on the other's skin - it was only a matter of time before his tentacles made an appearance, he knew that from experience "Yes"

"As in, you know, arousing"

"Yes"

Q opened one eye, hand absentmindedly raising to twirl a small tentacle that had sprouted behind his ear, escaping his carefully built mask "Are you lying to me?"

The agent really didn't understand what the other was trying to get to: how did being scared correlate to whether he found Q attractive or not? How was that even a question - didn't Q really notice how much restraint he practiced whenever he held him, the feeling of his naked skin against his own burning as hot as coals? Observing him, it was evident that somehow no, Q didn't know "No, I'm not lying to you"

That answer made asking the following question easier "Then why do you never touch me?"

"Why don't you?" 

Q blinked at the retort, surprise undoing the last of his control "I-" he tugged at another tentacle, his curls now gone, in an anxious manner, mind racing to find an adequate response only to realise that he didn't have one "I don't know" he admitted, embarrassment colouring him pink "Why don't you?" 

"You asked for time"

"I've had it"

"You didn't tell me that"

"I-"

"-didn't think you had to?"

Q bit his lower lip, embarrassed and ashamed that he had tormented the both of them simply because he had presumed that James wouldn't wait for him to give him explicit permission to go further - he had done such a disservice to the other man "I just.. I was so scared that you actually didn't find me attractive" with the corner of his eye, he caught red streaks mixing with the pink - just perfect, now he looked just like a boiled lobster "I-I just thought you would… I didn't-"

James gently pushed his thumb against those lips, uncaring of the fact that the more control Q lost, the higher the probability of that soft mouth hiding a circle of sharp and dangerous teeth that could easily bite a finger off of him; he knew Q and he trusted him, the only remotely murderous thing he had been a victim to was waking up to a fistful of tentacles in his face making it slightly hard to breathe - the other would never hurt him, not intentionally at least "Breathe" he ordered in a calm voice, hoping that Q would quiet down as well: it was painful to see him so riled up - so terrified of something that had never been real "Come inside, I want to hug you"

"But-"

"Shush"

Q huffed and together with the breath leaving his lips, he felt some of the tension that had been gathering in his bones fly away with it; until that moment, he had never really understood what feeling light felt: he had felt tension and a lot of it too - he still had nightmares about James laying still in the tiny bed in Medical, pallid and bruised and refusing to open his eyes - but it had always been the kind of tension fuelled by adrenaline that left him drained when it died down, rather than leaving him lighter than air "Fine" now that the worst of it was gone, Q felt comfortable enough actually cosying up to James in the tub. He shrugged off the shirt and put a foot in the water, its warmth leeching more of the tension away together with the feeling of James' hands on his hips, steadying him as he lowered himself between the man's thighs. 

James didn't miss the mix of green and yellow radiating on the skin beneath his palms, slowly swirling into the red and pink to chase them away with their joyful brightness "This is better" he hummed as he sneaked one arm around Q's waist and drew him close to his chest - right where he belonged "So, you were scared only of the possibility that I wouldn't want you?" He wanted to make sure that he hadn't missed anything else; he rationally knew that it wasn't his fault that Q had worked himself up over nothing, just like he knew that the other's insecurities didn't stem from something he had done or said - on the contrary, he actively tried to soothe them whenever he could - but he still felt responsible for Q's happiness and peace of mind.

He might not have been the one to actually cause this latest bout of self-doubt but he had been the object of it and James felt like it was his duty to ensure that he completely eradicated any doubts from Q's mind - maybe it just was his hero complex acting up but he didn't particularly care: he just wanted to make things right. 

To see Q's skin covered in a shower of falling stars. 

"Yes" it felt  _ wrong _ even admitting to that now. 

"Nothing else? Promise?"

"I promise"

James tilted the other's chin up with the light tap of a finger "Maybe look at me when you promise?" He added, a cheeky and reassuring grin on his face. 

Q huffed a little but he didn't try to hide again "I promise. I don't know what it came onto me, I just suddenly felt so… anxious and wondering"

"It happens" 

He pursed his lips, hating that he couldn't argue with the agent: he might not have been human but Q was just as full of complicated emotions that he had always had displayed on his skin, literally worn on his sleeve until he had gotten lost and he had been forced to hide in a body that wasn't supposed to emote in bursts of colour and stars - until he had been forced to exercise a control on his emotions that he wasn't used to and maybe he had pushed too far. 

Maybe it had become hard for him being as open and spontaneous as he had used to be. 

"It's okay, Q"

"I just.. feel ashamed that I would ever think that of you"

"No, darling, no" James murmured, lips skimming over the crease in his forehead, a dark valley between his eyebrows "Shame doesn't solve a thing, alright? The only thing you need to take away from this, it's that you can talk to me.  _ Always _ " he touched their foreheads together, eyes looking into the alien's while the other's tentacles tentatively touched his temples and hair, clearly torn for the closeness they were used to sharing and the need to finally archive that conversation "Okay?"

Q counted three beats from each of his hearts, breath suspended as his brain elaborated on the fact that yes, everything was alright. 

_ Everything was alright.  _

"Okay" he would have killed for the smile James regaled him with "I love you"

"I love you too"

**Author's Note:**

> The second chapter is coming out later today!


End file.
